Yet again it’s been a little while since I last posted. Life just…gets in the way!
I’ve been spending my one sacred hour in the evenings helping hubby out with his internet projects lately. I like feeling that I can contribute in some way to our income, even if only a small sideline (forgetting of course that what we SAVE in terms of childcare costs is pretty significant). Hence the lack of time for my personal blog.
So what happened this week? One of the biggest ‘milestones’ so far I guess- Muruthi our eldest son, started school on Tuesday! He looked so smart and handsome, he was excited and positive about going and the first day went better than I could have imagined. We didn’t forget anything, we had no tears, we weren’t late! Come the end of the day and despite being tired enough to ride home in the pram, he told me all about it. This is progress from pre-school when all I’d get would be “I don’t know”!
Since the first day, I can’t say he’s been as keen. It must be so overwhelming and exhausting for them that I’m not surprised they’re a little reluctant at the start of the day. Still, at least he’s not like his Mama who to this day remembers (probably my earliest memory), crying after being dropped at school and not wanting to be left!
A week in and we are adapting to a new routine at home too. I collated a list of a heap of baby and toddler groups and places we could visit potentially each morning. In a few weeks Riri will get to start pre school in the afternoons so his day will be pretty full too. I want Makena to have plenty of social interaction because she did go through quite a shy phase, crying as soon as any stranger so much as glanced at her! She’s great now (as long as nobody tries to pick her up!), and happily bopped along to the songs at one group last week and explored at ‘stay and play’.
Granted, this blog is starting to sound a bit ‘mumsyish’…and yes I’ll admit that we also do a load of home baking too…but these are the kind of days that are doing me a lot of good at the moment. I like to keep us occupied, a mixture of being home and getting out and about, plenty of exercise to offset all the cakes we make – it’s good for my mind and body and long may it continue (I fear I’ll never want to go back to being a career mum at this rate!). I have to admit though that attending all these new groups is still a way of me pushing outside of my comfort zone. I never really felt like I have ‘belonged’ in many of these places, same as I don’t with all the other school mums. Thankfully our first couple of experiences last week have been great and given me the confidence to keep going.
So that’s us for the time being. But there’s something else I wanted to bring up. I genuinely have no idea if anybody has even read this blog. I leave the link in my instagram bio, but have never shouted about it or publicised it in my squares. It’s a difficult one for me; on the one hand I just want to pour all my thoughts into it but at the same time feel embarrassed for anyone to read them, and on the other, I really want this blog to reach out to people who may be feeling the same as I do (not necessarily just other doctors, but anybody struggling with anxiety or the parenting topics I’ve written about!).
Then this week a few of my old doctor colleagues and friends shared a link to a BBC story about doctors’ mental health: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-45356349
Well, I read the above article and looked at that picture of that lovely young woman and felt compelled to do more to share my ‘story’. Having spent too many years feeling trapped in my chosen career, often not knowing what help was available or how to access it, and also feeling ashamed of how I felt, I am already in such a better place and able to freely admit that back then, I just couldn’t cope. And there’s no shame in that. And that if my daily limit is a few school runs, a playgroup, cooking dinner and baking a cake, then if it makes me and my family happy then that is also good enough!
Since leaving work I’ve been wrapping up the loose ends that come with ending a medical training post, and I feel like each time another little job has been sorted I’ve cut another tie and become a little freer. It is a great relief.
Where do I go from here? I’ll be blogging about all things ‘SAHM’ for the time being, and as I’ve previously mentioned I hope to take up a few things this year to help me manage my anxiety. Perhaps I’ll find the confidence to plug my blog a little more on my social media too!